Rosina wrote me this question:
My style question is one of confidence.. I think I alluded to it once before. I really think I have a style: Jeans, boots, long tops, my own jewellery designs, huge purses, arm warmers or opera gloves, and lots of texture. However, I never, ever, EVER feel confident. If someone looks at me, I think it’s because I look like a wreck, or I have a smut on my nose or something. Once, I was sitting in a shoe shop and I saw a lady from behind in the mirror opposite, and thought, “Wow! I wished I looked like that…” and then I realized it was me.
Looking Inwards or Outwards?
My parents both said I was lovely. I never believed them and used to cry when I was at elementary school because I wasn’t at all pretty and everyone let me know that. I dreaded school. Also, I had to wear these strange clothes that my mum knitted…skirts with braces and similar horrors. However, after this, my schools had a uniform. I don’t remember feeling bad about the way I looked then.
So the hand-knitted/home-made clothes didn’t help Rosina feel confident at school, whilst the school uniform was fine – what I’m picking up here (and I could be quite wrong) is that when in a ‘uniform’ Rosina feels fine and confident, it’s only when she’s in her own choice (though back then she had no choice as a child) she lacks confidence.
So where does confidence come from? What I’ve noticed with my clients is that it comes with knowledge – the more they understand about who they are and what suits them, the more confident they feel. This has also been true for me on my journey of style.
How to Feel More Confident in Your Appearance
1. Discover who you are as a person – what are your unique set of personality traits? How can this be expressed by clothing and accessories?
The reason I was so keen on spending 3 years of my life researching and developing 16 Style Types (with Jill Chivers and Jane Kise) was that I knew at my core that personality is the key to feeling confident in your style. There is a direct correlation between personality and how you approach style – such as whether or not a capsule wardrobe is for you, or if you want to look like others around your or feel more comfortable looking more different (plus lots more which you can discover in your Style Type Report).
I don’t want people saying I’m classically elegant, but rather that I have a different streak that makes what I wear interesting as well as tasteful. I’m not really explaining myself well, am I? Lol. A good example is today. I had a pretty burgundy and black small check long blouse on with a ruffle and a bow at the back. Both my husband and daughter, and my neighbour complimented this blouse and the whole look with indigo jeans, black heels and purse. I,on the other hand thought I looked like mutton dressed as lamb because of the bow and frills. So I voiced that and everyone shook their heads and basically asked me if I was nuts.