Others Focus and Your Wardrobe and Why It May Suffer


Why too much others focus is ruining your style

If you are Others Focused you are the most likely to suffer from a less than desirable wardrobe. Why so? Well you focus on others first and tend to put your own needs last.

  1. You go shopping, but bring home clothes for the kids or your husband, but not you.
  2. You want to shop, but never have the time or energy as you are looking after everyone else’s needs first.
  3. You choose comfort and speed over style
  4. You want to shop but you don’ t feel that you should spend money on yourself.
  5. You feel guilty for spending even the smallest amount of time on your own grooming and style needs (cos you’re looking after the family first)
  6. You feel out of touch with current fashion and have no idea where to start
  7. Being stylish just seems to take too much energy (even the thought of it)
  8. You feel that who cares anyway as who is looking at you anymore and that you are now past an age where style matters?

Does this sound like you?  I have many clients like this (it’s usually when their husbands ring me and tell me that their wife needs help and some spoiling or they finally realise that they need some help) who have basically bare wardrobes, and they are stressed as they need something that makes them look and feel good but don’t know where to start.

If you are very others focused you will most likely find that your style and wardrobe are the first to suffer.   The kids will have the new shoes and the new clothes, whilst you make do with whatever you’ve scrounged up from a sadly lacking wardrobe.  You won’t feel great, but you will tell yourself that you don’t matter.  That you don’t have the time.  You will find many excuses.

What’s the solution?

Like the in-flight safety briefing says on aircraft “put your own oxygen mask on first then help others”  self care and style (which is a part of self-care) are like this too.  It’s OK to look after yourself as well as others.  In fact not martyring yourself and being a slave to your family lets your family and others know that you have value and you value yourself (an important message for your daughters don’t you think?).

  1. Finding a few minutes a day to do some basic grooming is possible for all of us.  I’ve got kids too, and I know how demanding they are, but it’s still possible to find a few minutes in all our busy lives, and kids won’t die if you take a few extra minutes in the bathroom to look after yourself.
  2. Plan what you’re going to wear the night before if that leaves you more time in the morning.  This can be where style challenges like Evolve Your Style are great – as they give you something to work around each day, and idea or an item to base your outfit.
  3. Get help, if you hate shopping (yes it’s true, many, many, many women hate shopping) then invest in a good image consultant to help you shop.  One that will learn about who you are and work with you to find the best garments to create a workable wardrobe for you and your lifestyle so it’s easy to get dressed each day.
  4. Ask your hairdresser for a cut that is fast and easy for you to do – one that works with your hair so you can do it quickly each day, but still look stylish.  Invest in hair product if that’s what you need to make the style work!
  5. Tell your family that you need a little time for yourself.   Start with going for a walk or doing some exercise if that too has suffered (and I can tell you that this is another common issue for Others Focused people, they don’t look after their health and fitness the way they should).
  6. Ask your family to nurture you. You spend your energy nurturing them, they need to do this for you too.  Tell them specifically what you need.  Your family want you to be happy, they may not realise just how lost the old you has gotten over the years as you have focused all your attention on them.

Remember, if you’re broken, the family doesn’t work.  They need you to look after yourself first, so you have the energy, health and vitality to look after them.

You may also find this post on Introversion and Others Focus an interesting post to read!




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  • Totally agree with post! Taking care of oneself is also important ~ there needs to be a healthy balance between caring for others and caring for self. If the balance is out of whack in either direction, then it’s a problem.

  • Wow, isn’t this like reading into your own mindspace. Incredible… there are other women who think these things. When I go to town I make a major effort so I don’t feel dowdy and still end up feeling eons behind everyone.
    Others focused…. its easier than you think to get there and harder than you think to get out.
    Cause caring for a family, when dad has abdicated, takes all your time and money.

  • I learned to do a make-up routine I call “”5 for 5.” I do a basic look in 5 minutes. I choose 5 products to use on the areas that are the most important to flattering my face and are in the most flattering neutrals for my skin tone. I use eyebrow pencil, concealer, mascara, lipstick and a mineral powder that matches my skin tone.
    Next, I lay out these products and applicators in the order I will use them. I start my routine with the feature that needs the most cosmetic help or is the feature that is the most flattering. For me, my eyebrows and eyes fit both categories.

    (1) The eyebrow and eyelid. First use the eyebrow pencil on the eyebrow and quickly groom with eyebrow brush. Next take the concealer and pat all over the eye lid and under the eye. Press on powder to set. Take the eyebrow pencil and line the eye lashes; then smudge into the eyelid crease. Last, use the mascara.

    (2) The cheek. Use the concealer around the nose if you have some redness there. Use it on the cheek bones. Use it to quickly contour if you need contouring. Take your lipstick and use it as a creamy stick blush. Blend.

    (3) Finishing touches. Put on lipstick. Press powder over entire face and on lips, but not on eyebrows and eyelids. Reapply lipstick.

    You are finished.

    When I think I am too tired to put on my make-up, I remind myself “I only need 5 minutes.” And, by now this routine even takes less time.

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