In this podcast episode, Jill Chivers of 16 Style Types and I discuss a common conundrum: What do you do when you receive a fashion gift that isn’t quite right for you?
It doesn’t suit your style, it doesn’t fit, or it just isn’t something you’d ever choose for yourself. Yet, the last thing you want to do is hurt the feelings of the person who gave it to you.
So, what are your options?
- Do you wear it anyway?
- Do you try to upstyle it?
- Do you shove it in your wardrobe and let it languish?
According to research, fashion gifts are often the items that stay in our wardrobes the longest—rarely worn but difficult to part with. Why? Because they come with emotional weight, especially if they were given by someone you love. Getting rid of the gift can feel like rejecting the love behind it.
Then there’s the guilt factor—feeling as though discarding a gift is disrespectful to the giver. But is it really?
Is It Really a Gift or a Burden?
This scarf was a gift from a lovely client. Not at all unwanted – she knew my colours and my taste and so it fit seamlessly into my wardrobe.
A truly thoughtful gift is something chosen with the recipient in mind—something they will love and use. I once received a beautiful scarf from a lovely client. She knew my colours and style, so it fit seamlessly into my wardrobe. That was a real gift.
But sometimes, we receive gifts that feel more like a burden than a blessing.
Have you ever been given a bag of clothes from a friend or family member who was clearing out their wardrobe? You didn’t ask for them, you don’t want them, yet you feel obligated to accept them. Suddenly, their problem has become yours.
If you’re someone who likes to pass on your unwanted clothes, it’s worth asking yourself:
- Am I truly giving a gift, or am I passing on a burden?
- Does the recipient actually want this, or do they feel obligated to take it?
Many people find it hard to say no to a gift in person. They may accept it to be polite, but that doesn’t mean they want it. If you’re offering clothing to someone, let them know they have no obligation to keep it and are free to pass it on if it’s not right for them.
How to Handle Fashion Gifts Without Guilt
Do you worry that if you get rid of a fashion gift, the giver will notice? That they’ll ask to see it, or expect you to wear it in front of them?
Has this ever actually happened? Probably not.
But if it eases your guilt, you can always have a response ready:
- “Oh, I loved it, but it got a stain I couldn’t get out.”
- “I snagged it on something and sadly ruined it.”
Most people won’t question you further, and this allows you to release the item without feeling guilty.
Dealing with Serial Fashion Gift Givers
What if you have someone in your life who constantly gives you fashion gifts that aren’t your style?
It may be time for a gentle but honest conversation.
Explain that you have a very specific style that’s hard for others to define, so it’s best if they don’t buy clothing for you. If they truly want to give you something, suggest an alternative—perhaps a shared experience like going out for a meal together.
Acknowledge their thoughtfulness:
“I really appreciate the love and care behind your gifts, but I’d hate for you to spend money on something that isn’t quite right for me.”
If they still want to give you fashion gifts, take the opportunity to educate them on your personal style. They may not realise what works for you and would welcome some guidance.
Understanding Love Languages
If you’ve read about or know of the 5 love languages, you’ll know that one of them is gifts. Some people express love by giving and receiving gifts, and rejecting their gift outright can feel deeply personal.
Even if gifts aren’t your love language, they might be the love language of the person giving them to you. In that case, a kinder approach is to set clear boundaries while still appreciating their thoughtfulness.
Before accepting a bag of clothes from someone, you might say:
“I’ll happily take a look, but I’ll only keep what I absolutely love and what works for me. The rest I’ll pass on—does that work for you? If not, I’d prefer you give them to someone else who would appreciate them more.”
This helps prevent guilt and lets them know their gift won’t go to waste.
Can You Upstyle or Repurpose a Fashion Gift?
Before you discard a fashion gift, consider whether it can be altered, redesigned, or repurposed into something you’d actually wear. A few tweaks—changing buttons, adjusting the hemline, layering differently—might turn an unwanted piece into a wardrobe staple.
But if it’s not you, don’t force it.
When a Gift Becomes a Burden: How to Let It Go
A true gift brings joy. If a fashion gift doesn’t spark joy, it’s time to let it go.
Try wearing it once. See how it feels. If you don’t love it, allow yourself to release it. Holding onto it out of guilt will only turn that initial feeling of love into a feeling of heaviness.
And remember: your wardrobe space is finite. Research shows that fashion gifts sit in our wardrobes for an average of eight years, yet they are among the least-worn garments. Wouldn’t it be better if someone else could truly enjoy it?
Letting go of an unwanted gift does not mean rejecting the person who gave it to you. It simply means recognising that it’s not right for you. And that’s okay.
What’s your experience with fashion gifts? Have you ever received one that wasn’t quite right? How did you handle it?
Related Reading
Ditch the Decision Fatigue: 10 Reasons Why a Seasonal Wardrobe Declutter Will Change Your Life
Linking Up to: Not Dressed as Lamb, Style with a Smile, Thursday Fashion Files, Ageless Style, Visible Monday
I have a relative who does this to me regularly. Fortunately, she does not live nearby, so I just snap a picture of myself in the item and send it to her, and then I am free to pass the item on. I’ve tried letting her know that our tastes are different, but to no avail.
I sometimes offer my fashion mistakes to friends or relatives, if I feel it might be more them. They would be virtuely new, just maybe lost the receipt and can’t take back or something like that. But the word is “offer”, saying its quite OK to say no, and I will take to charity or put on ebay instead. Sometimes they take up the offer, sometimes not, but I would never give fashion gifts or jewellery, far too personal and I hate such gifts myself. If I do receive them, and they are wrong for me, I try to at least wear a few times, so they can see them being worn (in the best way I can integrate with my own taste and colours) and then give to charity shop afterwards. The thing I really hate is relatives who give me cool tone blue or pale pink scarves (which suit them) when I clearly have warm colouring, greens and browns and reds – I forgive on the grounds that most people are just not that visually aware!
When my mum clears out her wardrobe she always offers things to me before she takes them to the charity shop. She will often say things like “they’re just your thing – you’ll love them!” or “I can just see you wearing it – it’s very you”. The items are usually unworn, but have been stored for a few years and are never my colours or style so I refuse. But my mum always looks and sounds hurt when I refuse and I hate being put in that position.