Have you thought about how the early messages you received about style may still be impacting your style and your confidence?
Childhood memories often hold a treasure trove of experiences that shape our perspectives and behaviors in unexpected ways. In a recent reflection, I found myself delving into the nostalgia of hand-me-downs and how they influenced not only my style but also my self-perception.
Join me as we explore the profound connection between your early clothing choices (or lack of choice) and your sense of self-worth, discovering how something as seemingly simple as a garment can cast a lasting impact on your life.
The Hand-Me-Down Dilemma:
Growing up, my wardrobe was an eclectic mix of 1970s brown, rust and bottled green – hand-me-downs from my older brother or clothes my mother whipped up on her Elna.
Many of these garments weren’t my style, and I didn’t relish wearing them.
I quickly realized even at a very young age that what I wore had a direct influence on how I felt. It’s a realization many of us overlook: the idea that clothing can sway our emotions and perceptions. Perhaps my upbringing with secondhand clothes heightened my awareness, or maybe my introverted nature made me more observant. Regardless, it was clear that the clothes I wore held the power to shape my feelings about myself.
The Value in Our Attire:
The clothes we wear can unknowingly send messages about our value and self-worth. Wearing hand-me-downs most of the time, without any dedicated spending on my wardrobe, left me feeling undervalued. I internalized the notion that I wasn’t worth investing in. In fact, the only shoes I owned for most of my teenage years were my brown leather lace-up school shoes (ugly) and when I asked my mother to buy me some other shoes, she said that it wasn’t worth it as my feet were growing too fast.
What I heard was “You’re not worth it.”
This mindset lingered for years, making it challenging to pay full price for anything. It’s a pattern many of us might recognize: a reluctance to treat ourselves with the value we deserve. Our early experiences can etch this mindset deeply into our subconscious.
Breaking the Pattern:
I had to confront the correlation between my childhood clothing and my hesitation to invest in myself. It was eye-opening to recognize how those early impressions still shaped my decisions as an adult. This is where self-reflection becomes crucial. Are you hesitant to spend money on yourself? Do you only shop during sales? These behaviors might stem from past experiences, and it’s worth questioning their relevance to your current life and style.
Impact on Confidence:
A specific memory stands out – a pair of navy blue shorts with red and white pockets on the front. They felt like a symbol of misfit and confusion, like wearing my clothes backward.
These shorts made me want to hide and hindered my interactions with others. I didn’t want to wear them, let alone leave the house wearing them.
The lesson here is clear: what we wear can significantly influence our confidence and interactions. The shorts highlighted how attire can either empower or inhibit us from engaging fully in life.
Embracing the Power of Style:
Even as adults, your early experiences shape your outlook and behaviors. The messages you internalized during childhood can continue echoing through your choices and attitudes. However, the good news is that you can redefine these narratives. Investing in your style can have a profound impact on your overall well-being. Countless individuals have shared their stories of transformation – how enhancing their style boosted their self-assurance and transformed their lives with me.
The Journey Forward:
Recognizing the connection between childhood clothing and self-worth is the first step toward change. Just as I’ve witnessed in my own journey, understanding and evolving your style can lead to a newfound sense of empowerment. Whether you’re interested in a foundational starting point, an incremental month-long program, or a comprehensive style education (such as my 7 Steps to Style program) there’s a path that suits your needs and budget (or Evolve Your Style as a great starting point). So many women don’t value the power of their own style, so even thinking about investing in a style program feels frivolous or a waste of money, yet I know it can have a huge, positive ripple across their whole life when they discover what style means to them, and how to express their personality through their style in a way that gives them confidence.
Embracing your style isn’t just about aesthetics; it’s about embracing your worth and living with the confidence you deserve.
Childhood experiences, especially those tied to clothing, can wield a far-reaching influence over our lives. From the hand-me-downs that shaped our early perceptions to the outfits that dictate your confidence, your style is a reflection of your journey. The connection between your past and present choices is undeniable, yet it’s within your power to redefine these connections and empower yourself through style. By acknowledging the impact of childhood attire and embarking on a journey of style improvement, you can take charge of your self-worth and confidence, creating a positive impact that radiates through all aspects of life.
Great post. My mother used to make my sister and I matching dresses. This made me feel like I didn’t have my own identity, I was just an extension of my sister. Worse still, when we grew out of our dresses, there was always my sister’s dress to wear which was now too small for her but fitted me perfectly. When I was 13 I grew so much that I got bigger than her. By that stage she was working and bought her own clothes so no duo dresses any more. I actually loved the clothes that she wore then and I wished I could still get the hand me downs!
Wow, I remember wearing that same green skivvy to primary school, under a grey tunic dress. My mother told me it was the optional uniform, but I was the only one wearing it. Through my high school years, I never changed out of my school uniform after school. I don’t remember having other clothes. It took me YEARS of adulthood to even begin to know what I liked, and to finally reject home-made red pants with elasticated waists, uncomfortable plastic raincoats and beige corduroy jackets that periodically appeared on my bed.
I can relate to this too. My mum thought as long as we were clothed, that was enough! There was no consideration of personal preference or the way the clothes made us feel – I remember ill-fitting tracksuit pants, cheap jumpers that pilled after the first wash, dirty grey sneakers…. Even thinking about it now brings back those feelings of discomfort with myself. It took me a long time to accept that clothes could be so influential on my mood and that it was okay to care about what my mum considered to be superficial. I now love getting dressed ‘on purpose’ everyday and wear the opposite of what I wore as a child – crisp, well-looked after clothes, stylish things that make me feel like my true self every day.
I can relate! My brothers were 5 and 2 years older than me and I got hand me downs that were bought for my oldest brother, then used by my other brother, then finally made it to me. My mom made me some dresses to wear to school, but I had to change into my “play” clothes (the hand me downs) as soon as I got home. When I got a shape that didn’t fit into boys clothes, my mom complained about buying me clothes and bought the cheapest possible.
It has affected how I have shopped for clothes and how it’s been hard to get rid of perfectly good clothes just because I don’t like them. Thank goodness for 7 Steps so I could learn better! 😁
Thanks for sharing Valerie – those early messages about your body and your worth can be so hurtful!
This has really hit a nerve for me, although in the opposite way. My mom loved clothes, always looked fabulous & very outgoing & flambouyant. I am quite the opposite, very shy & introverted. She would shop at children’s boutiques for me & my brother & dress us in quite dramatic clothes that were very different from our friends. I hated them but my cousin recently told me that she loved getting my hand me downs! I only ever had 1 pair of shoes at a time though. I love shoes & now have a wide & varied collection!!!
My friends still threaten to put school party photos on Facebook to shame me!!!
I so get that when you’re dressed in clothes that don’t represent your personality it can feel really uncomfortable! I think it’s so important to give kids choice of what they like to wear rather than forcing our own taste and likes on our kids.
This brings back a few painful memories, Imogen! Although I received a few lovely hand-me-downs from my cousins, (and my mum did make me and my brothers some quite nice, matching beach parkas…) I too wore a lot of boyish, unfashionable, home-made, unflattering clothes as a 1970s child. I was never quite as with-it or feminine as the other girls at school. Even my underwear was different- more traditional and ‘good quality’. I was mistaken for a boy quite a lot, which angered me, and I longed to fit in with other girls (maybe this all ties in with your other post, about girliness/femininity). In turn, I made sure my daughter wore more or less what she wanted. She fitted in, and didn’t have half the social problems I did. Looking ‘right’ just wasn’t an issue for her. I know clothes are cheaper now, but my parents weren’t exactly poor – I think my mum just had a thrifty, craft-loving mentality. It took me a long, long time to learn to dress and groom myself well!
Glad to konw I wasn’t alone!